Timeout NY has a list of what they call the 20 best jokes about NCY. For example:
“In L.A., rich people live with rich people
and poor people live with poor people.
In New York, that’s from building to building.
Like I asked my friend, I said,
'Man, what’s a good building?'
‘A good building, you got a door man.
A bad building, you got a man in a door.’”
“Everybody in New York has lost their minds.
Even when they try to be nice, they just can’t.
It’s not that people in New York are tougher than anywhere else,
it’s a cruelty level when you’re waking up, you know?
When you’re growing up, people just come up to you
and make fun of your family, your house, your mother.
You can always tell who’s raised in New York
by how they take a compliment when they’re an adult.
You know, like,
‘Hey, nice haircut.’
‘Screw you; what’s wrong with it?’”
Besides the famous "essential New York", here my two favorites:
“I just got in from New York City.
I don’t really like living there.
I have to for health reasons.
I’m very paranoid, and New York’s the only place
my fears are justified.”
And from the old master of NYC humor:
“My love life is terrible.
The last time I was inside a woman was
when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”