"If music be the food of love, play on" - that Billy Shakespeare knew a thing or three.
Whilst musing on the bard, I thought of bastard. In a flash of inspiration and revelation, who should come to mind than our very own Pete. Oh morose and tortured one, you pondered too hard and long on the writings of the 2nd most enlightened (I, of course, am first).
No wonder your planned (and usually imagined) seductions of maidens fair collapsed without issue - well, in all but one case, and god only knows how you pulled that one off without independant help or guidance!
The food of love, mon ami, is - well - food! Fill the lady with delight and contentment and she is yours forever. Prepared to overlook the Grauniad references, your clumsy evening fumblings and even trips to White Hart Lane.
Your big mistake was to rely on music - or at least what you think is music! How you could possibly believe that listening to 12/3 was the route to breathless surrender rather than suicide I shall never fathom.
What would have worked was Great Grandma Flossies seductive sponge..
We mere men are oft ridiculed for our lack of expertise in the kitchen, and sometimes with good reason. Surprise and delight her with this infallable recipe - Great Grandma knew a thing or two and her 'sponge making for idiots' could not be simpler - or more guaranteed of results (of all types!!). Easiest in a fan assisted oven - if using non fan or AGA, slightly lower temperature, slightly longer time.
1. Ingredients - the main 'secret' could not be easier.
Three large, or 4 medium, eggs
The same weight as the eggs to be used, of butter, sugar and self raising flour.
In a mixer, combine the butter and sugar and whip till light and creamy. If there is any sign of curdling, add a small amount of sifted flour.
By hand, fold in the flour (not all in one go, plonker) with a spatula or large spoon - don't beat, but take in lots of air - til smooth.
Preheat the oven to 180 degrees (have no idea of the gas mark, but think it is 4) - check it out!
Butter two 7" sponge or non stick tins.
Pour an equal amount of the mixture into each tin - you can weigh them if you like.
Place the two tins on the middle shelf for at least 10, maybe 15 minutes. Check after 10 mins. if cooked by inserting a plain skewer (wipe off the barbie fat first!) into the centre. If /when it comes out 'clean' it's done!
Take out of oven (mind fingers!), leave to cool, turn out and then fill and/or ice.
3. Filling and Icing.
Are you sure you need help? A good, thick layer of whipped cream and at least one of 'tangy' jam and, if you want, fresh berries always works - but either (simple) shake ontop some icing sugar through a sieve, or go mad! Make an icing with the juice of a lemon plus its zest mixed into some icing sugar and smooth over the top. Add a little food colour if you want, just for effect, and/or sprinkles or berries on top.
It couldn't be easier - and should be crispy/crunchy/chewy on the outside as well. Oh bliss!!
Seduction ready - enjoy!!!
Yours, a little hungry, diablog,